D Foods

Grade D: A Waste of Money. Did Not Finish.

Bahn Minn Bun- $8 from Sausage Sister & Me, 2021
Had a real weird flavor to it, the slaw added nothing to the sandwich. People had troubles swallowing their bites.

BBQ Shrimp Taco- $10 at Tejas Express, 2016
       Really expensive, didn’t taste like BBQ (no sauce). Pretty spicy. Didn’t finish

Blazing Greek Bites- $8 from Dino's Gyros, 2024
        Listen. These are so damn spicy they wreck your palate. The texture is questionable, and it falls apart
        when you try to dip it. Didn't like the flavor but also hard to taste past the heat.

Blueberry Rhubarb Cobbler- $8 from Farmer's Union, 2018
       The cornmeal biscuit was really a small puck, and the tartness of the fruit overwhelms
       everything.

Boozy Berry Trifle- $9 from the Hideaway Speakeasy, 2019

        Surprising absolutely fuckin no one this tiny trifle was way overpriced. It was too tart and the

        poundcake and whipped cream weren't enough to balance it. Expected.

Breakfast Gnocchi- $11.75 at the Blue Barn, 2022
        So damn disappointing. The gnocchi were chewy and dense, not like a gnocchi at all. Eggs and
        pesto are OK, but the gnocchi ruins it.

Butter Chicken Samosas- $6 at Taste of Midtown Global Market, 2015
       We were not fans. The flavor profile was not for us. It was also quite spicy and we ended up
       going through an entire water bottle as a result.

Cajun Peel and Eat Shrimp- $10 at Cafe Caribe, 2016
       Not worth the money spent. Hardly tasted any Cajun seasoning, and was otherwise no different
       than peel and eat shrimp we could get anywhere. Disappointing.

Chile Mango Whip- $12 from Tasti Whip, 2024
        The only good thing about this is the Mango Tasti Whip ice cream. Still not a fan of the whole
        mangonado thing. A giant pillar of dessert dripping in chile sauce in a tiny cup. So tiny that the Chile
        crap is dripping all over your fingers. A huge mess.

Cocoa Cheese Bites- unknown vendor, 2013

        Yeaaaaah…um, chocolate covered cheese…did not finish. Some things don’t work well with

       chocolate

Coco Nuts Bowl- $12 at Baba’s, 2022
        This hovered between a C and D for us. No real chocolate flavor in the hummus at all, and
        virtually no sweetness in the bowl except maybe with the bananas. Toppings were nice and so
        were the pita puffs.

Concha Bacon Burger- $12 at Aldo’s, 2022
        The texture of the concha bun came off grainy or powdery and was really off-putting. Didn’t really
        get any heat despite the pepper jack cheese and jalapenos, and the bacon was a bit overpowering.
        The burger itself was good.

Cotton Candy Iced Tea- $? from Loon Lakes Iced Tea, 2024
        Listen, was it radiant and beautiful with a color change and sparkles? Yes.
        But it tasted like water. We drink a fair amount of tea and iced tea in our house so this was incredibly
        disappointing.

Cracklin Prime Rib Tacos- $9 from Coasters, 2021 Maaaaaaaan if you’re going to make a nacho out of pork rinds, pick a better pork rind. Multiples    of us had pieces that were so hard we almost cracked a tooth on it. Too many Jalapenos which we wouldn’t have requested if given the option. Toppings were ok, but really came down to the fact that a large portion of the cracklins were inedible. Also really lacking in the prime rib.

Cucumber Jalapeno Limeade- $6 from the Farmer’s Union, 2021 D (some would say F). Why are beverages burny?? Wow was this spicy. Like the cuke and limeade would’ve been so refreshing if our mouths weren’t on fire. Also So. Much. Pulp.

Deep Fried Avocado- $8 at O'Gara's, 2017
       Great way to start the day! Soggy and not very flavorful. Expensive and Packie doesn't even like
       avocado. At least O'Gara's is consistent so we don't get our hopes up. My phone wants
       to change O'Gara's to Obamas and that would be preferable

Deep Fried Grilled Cheese Bites- $8 at O'Gara's, 2016
       These were just meh (per usual from O’Gara’s). They were too close to cheese curds but not as
       good

Double Dose of Pork Belly- $7 at RC's BBQ, 2017
       This was disappointing. Not enough pork belly and the patty didn't taste great (weird even).
       Small ass sandwich, even at seven bucks. Boo. 

Esquites- $6 from Midtown Global Market (Los Ocampos), 2021 Sarah and Packie don’t like elote and this didn’t change their mind. Anne likes elote but thought the corn needed to be sweeter, otherwise it was too sour. Why is it so hard to get good elote?

Grilled Purple Sticky Rice- $10 from Union Hmong Kitchen, 2024
        Possibly a problem with execution, but couldn't get over the flavor of burnt rice. We got the beef
        jerky option and it didn't add enough flavor to hide it, and the drizzle they used just added a lot of
        heat. Wanted this to be great but it just fell short in a lot of ways.

Honey Bee Lavender Mead- $9 from Lulu's (sociable cider werks), 2019

        Flavor was like a C but the price on this little bitch dropped it into D territory. We'll stick with 

        Jaybird mead.

Lavender Lemonade- $6 at Farmer's Union Coffee Shop, 2019

        The only reason we drank half of it was because we were thirsty. Too tart to be thirst quenching. At

        least it was pretty.

Mangonado Shave Ice- $6 at Minesnowii Shave Ice, 2018
       Nope nope nope. The only reason it's not an F is because the inside mango was nummy. But the
       outside spice was so potent in a spicy sour way that there's no recovering. See authentic video
       reaction for proof.

Mobster's Caviar- $11 at The Hideaway Speakeasy, 2017
       Kids cover your ears. Fuck this. Fuck the price. Fuck having to walk up to the top of the
       Grandstand to drop a mint on 3 shitty items at this place. I'm literally building a rage lather about
       this. The bread was old and stale. The caviar was fishy tasting and gross. Never again.

Moroccan Sausage Bowl- $7 at Sausage by Cynthia, 2018
       To be fair, Packie gave this a C. Not very flavorful- mostly tasted spicy.

Paneer on a Speer-  $5 at Taste of Midtown Global Market, 2016
       We all agreed this was way too small for the cost, though the taste might’ve been a C. Packie
       liked it better than the twins, but it wasn’t great by any stretch

Rustic Beef Pastry- $6 at French Meadow Bakery, 2016
       Did not care for the spices. Also, minimal feta

Soulsicle- $9 from Soul Bowl, 2022
        Listen. Some things are OK under a heat lamp. Toppings and sauces are not those things. Like
        leave the chicken in the heat lamp and then top to order? The breading was soggy as a result. Also
        flavors were not great- very hot sauce forward. Really wanted to like this, pretty disappointed.

Spicy Thai Noodles- $10 at Oodles of Noodles, 2017
       Much too spicy, even for Patrick. So spicy we couldn't even taste the flavors. Which is too bad
       because it smelled really good and Oods of Noods is a good bet

Strawberries and Cream- $7 for a small at Strawberries and Cream, 2019
        Unsurprisingly this is exactly what we expected- something we could easily make at home, but
        more expensive. Cream was good but berries were too underripe. The best thing about this is the
        photobomb (see IG pic).

Steakxorcist- $14 at Herbivorous Butcher, 2022
        Okay. Listen. It eats like meat. And at first we were like, yeah! This is good! But then this
        unidentifiable flavor took over and, well, we did NOT enjoy the flavor at all.

Sweet Corn Cola Float- $11 from Blue Moon Dine-In Theater, 2024
        Yeah, when that corn flavor comes through...naw. Just weird and pricey and just nothing real good to
        say about it.

Sweety's Churros- $5 at Potato Man and Sweety, 2017
       Sarah wanted to give it an F but was out voted.
       It was like biting into a stick. Not soft and light at all. Dense and stale and almost impossible to
       chew. Flavors weren't horrible.

Swing Dancer Sandwich- $12 at The Hideaway Speakeasy, 2017
       Why the fuck did I spend 12 dollars on this? I have had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
       thicker than this. The sandwich was ok, if we are being generous. Fresh taste and soft bread but
       not a big fan of smoked salmon.

Tikka on a Sticka- $6 at Taste of Midtown Global Market, 2015

        Overcooked so the chicken was tough. And had pretty much no flavor. A guy next to us also got 

        it and he agreed with our assessment. Also, it fell on Sarah’s shirt and made her look like a slob

Triple Chocolate Strawberry Shortcake- $6 from the Strawberry Patch, 2018
       We just weren't fans. Strawberry sauce was really watery and it was just boring. Regretted 
       getting it.

Turkish Pizza- $9 from Blue Moon Diner, 2019

        We wanted to love this. We didn't. All heat and no real flavor. Also wished the bread was crispier.
        We sad.

Up North Shoreman's Lunch- $9.75 at Blue Barn, 2015

       Fish was over breaded and the sauces don’t work together

Wood Fire Elote- $5 at Tejas Express, 2018
       Anne, who likes elote, gave it a B even though it was quite spicy. Sarah and Packie (who hate
       elote on principal even though they've never tried it) hated it and gave it a D. So you decide i
       guess.